Judgment; When Did It Develop Such A Bad Connotation?

Today my mom and I were having a little argument and she asked me, 'Why do you think I'm always judging you?' Of course I said, 'I don't think you're always judging me!' And I thought about it for a minute and realized what a terrible, nasty connotation that word had. Judging; makes my blood run cold just thinking about it. 

No one wants to be judged. Not you, not me, not even the little girl down the street who doesn't even know what the word really means! I think about that word and I hear someone yelling, 'Stop judging me!' It just sounds bad! You can feel the emotion in those words! It just has a bad feeling that goes along with it. We've associated bad feelings with the idea of being judged. 

Honestly, I feel bad for some words! What has that word done to you, to me, to society? Nothing! It's just a word, and by the definition, you wouldn't even think it was meant to be used the way it is! 

Let's start with judgement. If someone passes judgement on you or about you, that just sounds bad, too! It sounds like they're thinking badly of you, but really, all judgement refers to is the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions. 

Wow! When I read that, I couldn't believe my eyes! There is nothing in that definition that would make me think someone was thinking badly about me! 

Now I know what the word sensible means, but for arguments sake, it means that the conclusion is chosen in accordance with wisdom or prudence, which is likely to be of benefit! You know what?! I really do feel bad for the word 'Judgment'! Even the simplest form of judgement, judge, means to form an opinion after careful thought. 

Also for arguments sake, we are going to personify the word judge, judging and judgement! We are going to call him Charlie! 

Poor Charlie! We have misjudged Charlie! 

As a society, we have taken Charlie and turned him into something he definitely is not! Since when was something that was meant for benefit after careful thought meant to be bad?! 

Now, who's at fault here? Is it us, for associating such a bad connotation with Charlie? It's certainly not Charlie's fault! Charlie's definition is pretty clear in my eyes. 

How did this happen? 

I'll tell you how, and this is important. This is the ball I'm trying to hit home, all the time. We have taken the word judge and we have contorted it, twisted it beyond recognition and it now resembles something completely different than what was intended. We have applied our own understanding to this word and now, it's unrecognizable. We don't even know what some words really mean, what they were meant to mean. 

Thanks for reading, friends! If you enjoyed this posting or it really spoke to you or moved you, please tell me about it! Leave a comment below, tweet me at @TresaWriter, email me, share with your friends! Happy reading and writing. 

Bring Back The Dictionary!

Last night, after writing my first blog posting in quite some time, I started brainstorming on what to write next. I'm trying to decide what my purpose is going to be with this blog, what I will write everyday. What can I write everyday? What do I know enough about? From there I moved on to, 'Well, what did I write about yesterday?' 

I wrote about why I couldn't write, and answered my own question and decided on my solution. My solution to not being able to write was to define words. I took how I was feeling, which was doubtful and guilty, and I defined those words and really analyzed how I was feeling. Through that process, I felt better, almost instantly, and I was able to write. 

Going back to my dilemma of what to write everyday, I started thinking, 'I solved my  problem. Well, what else can I solve by defining words? Why should we define words?' I decided that I encourage defining words because it's important to know the real definition, or the true meaning of a word. Besides important, it's exciting! You'll hear me say a lot that I feel we don't really know what a word was meant to mean. In our heads, we apply our own understanding and associate that definition with the word, instead of the intended meaning. I'm guilty of it, too! 

I'm terribly guilty of this. I just think I know what a word means. Of course I know what it means! But do I really? Do any of us, really? How many of us can say we know what a word as simple as doubt means? Without cheating, without going and looking it up. I usually just know the feeling that goes along with doubt. I know that I doubt myself; I don't believe in myself. 

How many of us know that doubt, in it's entirety, means a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction? 

This dilemma always leads me to my usage of the dictionary, which I use very often. Everyday, multiple times a day. I have an iPhone, and I take full advantage of the dictionary built right into my phone. All I have to do is highlight a word that I'm not sure if I've used correctly and within a fraction of a second, I have the full definition at my fingertips! 

During my thought process, I decided to move on to, 'Well, what am I hoping for? What am I hoping to achieve by bringing attention to this?' 

Am I hoping for a more intelligent world? Population? To make people more aware? 

I didn't really come up with an answer for that, but I lingered on the word intelligent. Was I hoping to promote intelligence? Can I impact someone's IQ? Is that simple enough, or is it too complex? Can I even accomplish something like that, hoping to raise the average populations IQ? 

We all hear the word IQ a lot. I mean, a lot! Again, when I hear that word, I know what it means. Or, at least I think I do. I know it's referring to how smart someone is. Whenever I come across a word that I think I know, I instantly tell myself I don't. I make myself take the extra ten seconds and look it up, and I am often amazed! Truly amazed. How many people know that IQ actually stands for Intelligence Quotient? 

I'm sure I knew this at one time, but it didn't stick with me. Intelligence quotient means an assessment of your ability to think and reason. Huh, simple enough, right? I think everyday, I reason everyday, but this definition is seriously lacking! It falls short of what IQ actually means, because it means so much more than that, and I love it!

I'm going to ramble off a few definitions here, which all pertain to the original definition of IQ.On paper this list of definitions acts as a tree, starting with IQ and taking each word that we don't know the true meaning of, and defining that word, finding another word within that definition and defining it, and so on and so on until we have the full meaning of this word laid out. It's so much more satisfying than just, 'an assessment of your ability to think and reason.'

Intelligence Quotient - an assessment of your ability to think and reason.  

Think - use one's mind actively to form connected ideas. 

Reason - think, understand and form judgements by a process of logic. 

Intelligence - the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills. 

Knowledge - facts, info and skills acquired through experience or education. The theoretical or practical understanding of a subject. Awareness or familiarity gained by experience of a fact or situation. 

Quotient - a degree or amount of specified quality or characteristic. 

Degree - the amount, level or extent to which something happens of is present. 

So, with all of these definitions, I'm still kind of swimming, but I can pick out what I need from each definition and figure out what intelligence quotient actually means. My curiosity and thirst for knowledge was finally satisfied, and I decided on this; 

Intelligence Quotient refers to how able you are to use your mind to think, understand and form connected ideas and judgements by a process of logic. 

This definition is far more satisfying, and it means so much more! I suppose my purpose or hope is to make people more aware of this, this right here. How much we are missing, how much is truly lacking from what our minds and vocabulary was intended to be. Someone intended so much more than what we think and say! Or, at least I hope they did! 

Use your dictionary! Take the extra ten seconds to look up what a word actually means! Sit there with your nose in the dictionary and just soak up all the knowledge that was intended for us to use! Tell me about it, because I truly love this and want to know that someone else does, too! Tweet me at @TresaWriter! Email me! Comment below! Tell me all about what words you know and don't know and come to know! Happy reading and writing, friends! 

Why Can't I Write?

I often wonder... Well, if I'm honest I wonder about a lot of things, day in and day out. I sit and ponder an overwhelming amount of ideas and thoughts. Though, today I wonder if other writers are like me, which I'm sure many writers wonder. Most importantly, I wonder if writing comes in waves. Writing comes and goes, in and out of my life, again and again. I have spurts where writing is all I do, and then I have days, weeks, months, sometimes even years where I don't do very much writing. 

Though, if you ask me what I do when I'm actively writing everyday, I will tell you that I am a writer. I will swear up and down that I write all the time. I'll say that I've been writing since I could type sixty words per minute on a computer!

The honest truth is that I really only think about writing all the time. 

Don't get me wrong; that's an important part of writing! If not the most important part of writing! 

I think about how much I want to write. I think about what I'd like to write, about how I'd love to have nothing better or more important to do than to sit in front of a computer and write all day! And then, when I have a day when I have absolutely nothing to do, I feel guilty for wanting to spend that time writing! I feel like any other time I have a million things to do, and how could I possibly sit down?! How could I possibly sit down and stare at the computer screen for a few hours? There has to be something I've forgotten to do, right?

So I spend my time I could spend writing obsessing over what must have slipped my mind. Then I finally realize that there was something I forgot to do, so I do that instead. When I'm not doing anything and I could spend my time writing, I figure that there must be something more important to do. Something more pressing. And there usually is, unfortunately. 

I experience this overwhelming guilt over a lot of things, but mostly writing.

The way I try to cope with a lot of my feelings is to understand why I feel this way. I often ask myself, 'Why can't I write?' Though, I'm usually yelling out in frustration because all I desperately want to do it write. Part of how I answer this question, is through the dictionary. 

Some of you are thinking, 'What? How does that help you?' 

Honestly, stay with me now. We use so many words every day. Sure, we know the basics of what they mean, but do we really understand what they mean? Or what they initially meant? We assign our own definitions to words, our own understanding, and sometimes the true meaning can go askew or become distorted. Sometimes maybe even just a little bit lacking, even though we are on the right track. 

When I think of the word guilty, I think about feeling bad. I feel bad for wanting to write. I feel bad for wanting to do something that I want to do rather than something I should be doing. But then I think about it and I wonder, 'Why do I feel bad? Why do I feel guilty?' 

So I turn to the dictionary, and the dictionary tells me that I feel bad because feeling guilty means that I feel like I've done something wrong. This definition is so much more satisfying than, 'I feel bad.' It's also much more powerful and helps me to understand what's really wrong. 

I read something the other day, a quote on Twitter by Sylvia Plath; 'The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.' I thought, 'Oh, well that makes sense. Self-doubt; of course I doubt myself.' Then I realized I didn't really realize why I doubted myself. So, I went to the dictionary and looked up self-doubt. And the dictionary told me that self-doubt is a lack of confidence in oneself and one's abilities. I sat there in my chair and thought, 'Well now that really makes a lot of sense.' 

I am far from an established writer, even farther from being a well-known writer. So of course I am going to doubt myself. Of course I'm going to feel like I've done something wrong! 

And I think that's a problem that a lot of writers face; not just me. Or, at least I hope. I also think it's a combination of self-doubt and self-placed guilt and numerous other feelings. It's overwhelming.  

Though, as I sat in my chair and realized how much sense all of that made, the self-doubt and the guilt, I also realized that I felt better. After looking up the definition of the words that I wanted to use to describe my feelings, it helped me to do a little bit of self-analysis, and after thinking about it, I felt so much better, as I often do. 

I also happened to be looking at the name of my blog when I was going through all of this turmoil. So I looked up cognitive, which really means relating to cognition. Cognition means the mental action or process of acquiring knowledge and understanding through thought, experience and the sense. Well, and then I wondered, as I sat there feeling so much better about my situation, 'Could it really be that simple?' 

Can cognitive understanding help you, or me, or anyone else for that matter, hurdle the mental barrier that we place on ourselves through self-doubt and self-placed guilt? 

I'm curious as to what you think. I'm curious if it helps anyone else! Try it! Think of how you're feeling; mad, sad, even the more complex feelings of frustration or resentful. Let me know. Comment below, send me an email, tweet at @TresaWriter and tell me your thoughts! 

We Are All Different

A question that plagues my thoughts everyday is, 'Why should I bother writing? Who is going to read what I have to say, anyways?' I was thinking about it today, and it brought me to some interesting thoughts and ideas that I'd like to share. Hopefully you can relate and you find some inspiration to keep going from where my thoughts brought me.  

I've seen a lot of writers, or artists of any kind for that matter, who when discouraged say things such as, 'There's probably someone else out there doing the same thing. Why should I bother to compete?' I think it myself, somedays. Why should I try competing? I'm new to the writing/blogging world. No one knows my name. There are numerous people who do the exact same thing that I do. I will lose the battle to someone who is more established than I am. 

I am aware that is a narrow way to think, but let's be honest, we've all been there and we all go there every now and again. It's that shadow of a doubt that brings us there. 

Now, while there may be numerous other writers or artists out there, we are all different. Why else would there be so many people who do the same thing? If we were intended to think one certain way and be entertained or learn in the same way, if we all thought the same way there would only be one person who does any one thing. There would only be one writer. There would only be one artist, one chef, one teacher. There's a reason we don't all like the same kind of food. There's a reason some of us learn by reading while others learn by doing. We are not all capable of the same things, but amongst us are people who are capable of what we are not. You are capable of what someone else is not. 

One person is only one perspective. We all have a different perspective.  And we all see other peoples perspectives differently. If there's only one person doing one thing, not only is the unemployment rate going to go through the roof, but there will be people who don't care for that person's take on things. There will be people who just don't understand. There will be people who can't draw any inspiration from it. There will be people who act out and rebel against a broken system where there's only one person allowed to do specialize in any one thing. 

So the next time you think that no one will care, no one will read or like what you have to say, no one will see what you do, remember that there are so many people that do the same thing for a reason. There will be at least one person who understands you and where you are coming from. There will be at least one person who walks away from your creativity with something. 

Feeling Intimidated?

In my previous blog postings, I spend a lot of time, or at least a significant amount of time exploring the definitions of words. I say exploring because it truly is an adventure if you enjoy words as much as I do. If you haven't experienced this, or you're reading my blog for the first time, I define a word. I do this in real life all the time. I've realized that I'll say words and I don't even really know the real meaning. I'm not saying I'm uneducated, but nobody really spends their time making sure they know the exact definition of a word, word for word. 

For example, I was having a bad day a couple of days ago and I couldn't figure out why. My frustration was coming from how much I had changed and how I acted around certain people. I am very quiet and not very outspoken. I'm extremely timid, which has not been the norm for me in my past relationships. I'm usually very comfortable, talkative and fun to be around. Lately I've been content to sit very quietly and go along with whatever. I'm also very quiet and unresponsive when I receive compliments. Part of this, I realized, is because my new relationship is, honestly, with an incredibly good looking guy. I realized I was intimidated. 

When the word intimidated surfaced, I said to myself, 'Is that really how I feel? Am I honestly intimidated by the looks of this man?' Not to say that this is a bad thing, because he is just gorgeous, but was that really what I was feeling? Whenever my curiosity is peeked in this manner, and I'm not exactly sure if that precisely describes how I am feeling, I have a system to determine if I am using the correct word. When faced with uncertainty, turn to the dictionary.

Intimidate means to frighten or overawe someone. So again, I asked myself, 'Am I really frightened?' The answer was no, absolutely not frightened, but overawe was another word where I wasn't exactly sure what it meant. 

Overawe means to impress someone so much they become silent or inhibited. Well, now that made a whole world of sense to me. I was definitely impressed by him, and as I thought about it, yes, I was often silent. I felt a little better after reading and putting together these definitions, but I still wasn't satisfied. I still wasn't quite convinced that there want more going on that was causing me to feel this way. There also was still a word in there that didn't quite make sense to me. 

When I hear or read a word that I don't quite know what it means, I get a feeling. I instantly relate that word to a feeling, and what I felt when I read inhibited was rigid. So I looked up inhibited; meaning unable to react in a relaxed or natural way because of self-consciousness. 

Let the revelations begin, folks! 

I was, and am so full of admiration and respect for this man that I have become silent and am unable to react in a natural way because I am self-conscious. 

'Who needs a shrink?!' 

This definition, once broken down and put back together, was exactly how I was feeling! It perfectly described how I felt when I was around him. Now, don't get me wrong, these moments of inability to react due to self-consciousness are not frequent. It was just that day where I felt a little intimidated. Though, if I had stopped at defining my feelings at intimidated, if we look back, I was so unsatisfied and my situation was so unresolved. 

It was incredible how much better I felt after putting all that together. Not only had I sorted out how I was feeling, but I had fed the side of me that enjoys doing that, enjoys sticking her nose in the dictionary and coming out with a better understanding, all around. I felt so much better, that I decided to define one last word, just for fun. 

Again, I know what the word self-conscious means, but as I've said in previous blog posting, we only really commit the shorthand version of definitions to memory. We have so much information in our brains that we can't possibly hold anything more than a fraction of it all. So I know that being self-conscious means that I worry about how I look or sound, and I definitely am self-conscious. Imagine my surprise, my intrigue, when I read that self-conscious truly means to experience a feeling of undue awareness of oneself. 

More revelations! 

I am so full of admiration and respect that I have become silent and am unable to react in a natural way because I am too aware! 

That is what we call nailing it right on the head. The undue awareness was what really made me feel better. It made me feel like I didn't need to be so hard on myself, because let's face it, when you're in a relationship with a good looking guy, you spend a lot of time worrying about how you look and what they think and so on and so forth. Just the understanding, a full understanding of how I was feeling made me feel so much better about the situation. 

This process is more than me going around trying to absorb as much information as possible. It isn't about me wanting to know more than everyone else, or having the knowledge to correct someone when they use a word incorrectly. I say this because I do this in real life, not just when I'm writing. Someone will use a word to describe how they're feeling, and I'll say, 'Do you know what that word actually means?' Or I'll be having a heated discussion with someone, (usually my mom because she is a word junky as well,) arguing over the use of a word in a sentence and I'll ask the same question before looking up the word to settle the argument. Now while all of that sounds awfully arrogant, I really just enjoy it. I truly enjoy seeing the pattern, the connection between words. Plus it helps me feel better about whatever is bothering me. 

The next time you use a word, a single word to define what you're feeling or experiencing, I want you to look up the definition. Even if there is a word within that definition that you are positive that you know what it means, look it up anyways. Make a list down a piece of paper, with the first word at the top and define as many words as you can in order. Then put all those broken down words into a sentence to explain how you're feeling. Instead of saying, 'I feel intimidated,' say 'I am so full of admiration and respect that I have become silent and am unable to react in a natural way because I am too aware!' Sure, it's much more wordy, but it gets the post across in a more understandable way. And it means so much more. Post your findings in the comment section. I would really enjoy reading through your feelings. 

As always, thank you for reading. Happy Thirsty Thursday! 

Inspiration

Inspiration comes from many different places. It comes to us when we read, listen to music, have a conversation. Inspiration is the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, and when we use the word process, we are talking about a series of actions. Inspiration is a series of actions that result in mental stimulation, stimulation meaning the encouragement to develop or increase activity. 

See, I don't know about any of you, but I am just infatuated with looking up the definitions of words. You can't just define one word; that only gives you a hint as to what that word really means. We hold so much knowledge in our brains. Sure, we know what process means, we know what inspired means, but we really only know what our brain has grasped, and usually it's only a fraction of the definition. It's the shorthand version. 

When you define a word, there are usually words within that definition that are foreign to us, even though we use and hear these words on a daily basis. I find it fascinating to sit and define a word, and then define a word within that definition, and so on and so forth until I have a huge list and I fully understand what that word means, and every word that came from within that first word. 

That, is a process. That is my process, my series of actions, that results in the encouragement to develop, to grow, to continue on and on until this one word, and all of the ones that follow make complete and utter sense to me. That is my addiction, but it is a process. It is the process of inspiration. 

Inspiration does not just happen. Not the way that many people think it does. An artist down on his luck may look at a painting and think that whoever made that piece had it so easy; that the inspiration to paint just came to him. I do this from time to time; I look at all the other writers and think, 'If only I could do that. If only it was that easy for me.' It takes time and dedication to become inspired. 

Now, sometimes, inspiration also means that it comes to us in a sudden brilliant, creative, or timely idea. However convenient that may be, it still takes time, it takes a process, it takes steps to turn that inspiration into a reality. I have ideas, brilliant and creative ideas that come to me all the time. Only a fraction of those ideas actually make it from my mind to my keyboard. And then only a fraction of those actually make it past my scrutiny and onto anywhere useful. 

An artist can have all the inspiration in the world and it won't matter. I have a wealth of inspiration, all the time, and sometimes it just doesn't matter, because I can't get past whatever obstacle, whatever mental barrier I have put up and actually act on that inspiration. You have to be willing to put in the time to make inspiration into something real. You have to endure the process, no matter how many steps are involved. 

It takes patience to be an artist, of any kind; a painter, a writer, a musician, etc. It takes steps. My inspiration for this post today came from a friend on Facebook. My post from yesterday was pretty narrow and she reminded me that everyone goes through a struggle; not just writers. So it inspired me to write a bit more about it the struggle involved in being creative.

I hope you enjoyed. As always, feel free to leave a comment and share. I hope you are inspired by my inspiration. Happy writing! 

The Struggle Is Real

The struggle of writing is real, folks. 

I say this, because the word struggle, when broken down, is exactly what I have been dealing with when it comes to writing. Struggle; to make forceful or violent efforts to get free of restraint or constriction, to strive to achieve or attain something in the face of difficulty or resistance, to have difficulty handling or coping with something, engage in conflict. The definitions go on and on, though these are particularly relevant to my personal struggle. 

I'd like to define a few more words within that definition, because the definitions further deepen my own understanding of my struggle, and therefore I hope to deepen your understanding. I also hope to help anyone else who is currently struggling with writing. 

Restraint; a measure or condition that keeps someone or something under control or within limits. In this particular case, and in the case of many writers, my restraint is myself. I am my own struggle, my own barrier, my own limitation. I limit myself when it comes to writing. Therefore, I am making forceful and violent efforts to get free of my own limitations set forth by myself. 

Difficulty; a thing that is hard to accomplish, deal with, or understand. I strive to achieve and attain great writing even in the face of my lack of understanding, my inability to deal with my own exceptions, and my frustration to understand my limitations. I am unable at times to cope with the difficulty that comes with trying to accomplish writing. 

I know this is something that all writers will understand, because we all go through it. We all put so much pressure on ourselves as writers; to be great, to make sense, to stay consistent and relevant. We want to make sense. We want to be heard. We want to be understood. The biggest question I ask myself is, why is someone going to understand what I'm trying to say when sometimes I don't even understand what I'm trying to say? 

Sometimes I don't even understand the point I am trying to get across, or what my motive is. Sometimes I let myself sink into that dark place. You all know what I'm talking about... That dark place where we doubt everything about our writing; we doubt our motive, our ability, our patience. We wonder why we should even write because who is going to read what we're writing anyways. 

It's been at least six months since I have posted to this blog, and it has been a few months since I have written anything that counts as constructive. Every time I thought of writing, that doubt would creep into my mind; why bother? 

I was planning to participate in National Novel Writing Month. I had an amazing plot, which I was in love with. I had my characters all planned out, my story line was great. I had mountains of ideas and I was so proud of myself. Though, when it came time to start writing, the pressure, the struggle, was so real. It was overwhelming; the pressure I put on myself because of my brilliant idea was pressing, suffocating even. I wanted to do this idea justice, and every time I started to write, I felt like a failure. I felt like I wasn't putting out the quality that I felt this idea deserved. 

So I spent the whole month of November at rock bottom, the lowest point of writing I have experienced. The idea for my novel stared me in the face with utter disappointment. I was just baffled and depressed by anything that I could possibly come up with. Nothing met my expectations of greatness that I intended for that novel. 

About halfway through November, I gave up, which is something I have regretted everyday since. I surrendered to my disappointment and let the idea go. I stopped logging in and staring at my computer screen. I was done trying to fight against the struggle I had set forth for myself. 

A big part of it, I've come to realize, is that I am lost. I have lost my plan, somewhere in the midst of life. I no longer have an end game, and this has been bothering me, lingering in the back of my mind and reminding me how lost I am. I finally confronted this feeling. I sat and thought long and hard about it; why was I feeling so lost? What was my plan? What was I going to do with the rest of my life? These are all legitimate questions. 

Though, the more I asked, the more defeated I felt. I didn't have the answers. So finally, I asked myself, do I need to have the answers? Do I need to have a plan? And as I asked myself that, I realized, I do not. The pressure of needing a plan caused such a great deal of stress. As I asked myself if I needed to have all the answers, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. As I realized that I do not need to have all the answers, I felt even more weight fall away, and my mind was freer. It began to welcome the inspiration that was all around me, all along. It began to wonder and think about writing. It began to long for writing. Most importantly, I began to long for writing. 

So here I am, finally feeling ready to get back to writing; finally ready to free myself from my own limitations and throw myself back into writing. 

I know a lot of my viewers will be or used to be writers, so I hope you all read this and can relate. I also hope you will comment and share your own struggle. Happy writing friends!